The interventionist thoughts convinced me that I was repulsive to look | Life and Style

Question I struggle with self -talk around my appearance and more and more critical. So much so that some days I fight to look in the mirror. I have experienced a baby lately, and for a long time I assumed that my past, less and fundamentally insufficient, was overcome as a mother and with external concern other than myself, but if there was anything, even worse.

It was so worse that I convinced myself that even though it was very beautiful, reassuring and determined, my wife would find someone else. I know this cognitively, but as an emotional woman, I feel deeply flawed and ugly in the world. I constantly judge myself when I am with other women.

I have experienced a eating disorder that I could hide for 15 years And I feel shrinking and I feel completely saved. But now It is a deeper feeling that it contains a completely more terrible self. It will see me like me:

Writing this makes me understand how absorbed sound, but I spent years by carrying these shameShame on my body In my feminine sex charm, In my natural deficiency. I don’t want to get my partner away, I don’t want to transfer it to my daughter and I don’t want to waste my life.. I spent years in therapy, I wanted the therapist not to look at me (we encountered the opposite walls), so I was able to openly talk about it without having to be exposed as visible as emotionally. How can I overcome this poison that I have for myself in this world and myself?

Philippa’s answer First of all, I want to admit how difficult it should be for you. You carry such a heavy self -burden and makes sense to feel narrowed and sad. But I assure you, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken and you are not a “terrible self”. What you have is particularly a vicious interior critic and this is what we need to work with. This is not you, not you, just a sound, a sound that is given too much authority on your experience. Here I recommend: give a stupid name. Really. Make it ridiculous. Say something like “Madame Misery” or “Naggy Noreen .. Draw if you want, what does it look like? Is it a small, wrinkled Gremlin? A suspicious, extremely dramatic theater bad man? But if you imagine it, externalize it.

Instead of embodiment, start observing. When you talk, imagine you sit in a chair. Let’s say, “Oh, here is again. I hear you, but today I do not take you seriously.” You don’t have to fight or silence, just take yourself away from it, don’t interact. If it cuts your thoughts, accept it with a comfortable “not now ve and turn your attention to another place. This is something to do daily practice. What you need to do is to have a ready -made list of other things you can concentrate. For example, what sounds can you hear in the room? Is it outside the room? Pay attention to how your feet feel on the floor, pay attention to how you breathe. What I find useful in dealing with an interventionist thought is to break an sketch pad and to focus on what an object really looks like and to try to draw as much as possible to get lost in the appearance, not to produce a good drawing.

This internal critic convinces you that you are uniquely inadequate, but you are experiencing a typical human struggle. When we judge ourselves harshly, we are isolated ourselves by believing that we are alone in our pain. Every woman, every human being, insecurity, has moments of doubt and shame or periods. Instead of seeing yourself separately, try to remind you that your struggles connect you to a wider human experience. When you feel that the internal critic is rising, take a breath and tell yourself, “It’s hard, but I’m not alone in this.” Bringing temperature instead of punishment is a radical self -care action and will gradually begin to relax the grain of shame. The deeper sitting, which is a challenging, adhesive thing, develops in secrecy and isolation, so it is a powerful antidote to talk as you are now. Talk to people you trust. You have already taken an important step by writing this e -mail. Try to be aware of what’s nurturing your shame, make sure what’s smaller. Dr. Look at Kristin Neff’s website, selfompassion.org.

When you treat yourself with a little more kindness, you show your daughter what compassion looks like. He doesn’t need a “perfect” mother, he needs a mother who learns to be friends with her. Be patient with yourself. This is not about turning a key and suddenly feeling bright and confident. This is about carving old beliefs, realizing without a critic, and learning to see yourself slowly and gently with softer eyes.